If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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