remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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