so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
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I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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