Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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