Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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