"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
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Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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