I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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