Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
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Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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