I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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