FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize