I'm really into asian looking animals
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He shit in the fireplace
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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