I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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