Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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