I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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