this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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