The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
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I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
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Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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