You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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