I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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