Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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