Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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