So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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