So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize