if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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