Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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