she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize