The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize