Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize