she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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