I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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