I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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