You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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