You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Randomize