there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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