turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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