I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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