rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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