I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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