I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
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If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
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Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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