Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize