i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize