someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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