New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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