Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I see more hoeing in ur future
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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