I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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