I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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