you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No more Irish car bombs ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
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