i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
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I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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