I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize