woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize