if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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